My Values
Making that first step towards having therapy for some is a big and often difficult decision. Creating a caring relationship in a relaxed environment, along with a respect for you, and the problems you bring is paramount to help you to feel open, and not judged. The most important thing is that I provide a safe and secure base so that you feel heard, understood and supported in whatever struggles you are facing.
I talk in more detail about the first session on the Practicalities page, which will help you get a better idea of what to expect.
I talk in more detail about the first session on the Practicalities page, which will help you get a better idea of what to expect.
My Approach
In therapy our conversations revolve around you and your thoughts, feelings and experiences. We can explore a difficulty or distress you may be experiencing, perhaps a dissatisfaction, or loss of direction and purpose in your life. To grapple with life’s problems. I focus with you on what you bring, and pay attention to what matters to you personally.
For some people their past is more significant, others are more concerned about the here and now of their lives, and some are anxious about the future.
In therapy we can learn to do things we didn't in early life. If you learnt that you could not trust people, growing to trust your therapist might help you to trust people in ways you never did before. Or if you feel misunderstood by others, feeling understood by your therapist might make you finally believe that others really can "get" you.
I'm of the philosophy that our well being is influenced and affected by our relationships; to ourselves and to others, and to our society, culture and economy, and so on. It is also affected by our genetic make up and our particular personality.
For some people their past is more significant, others are more concerned about the here and now of their lives, and some are anxious about the future.
In therapy we can learn to do things we didn't in early life. If you learnt that you could not trust people, growing to trust your therapist might help you to trust people in ways you never did before. Or if you feel misunderstood by others, feeling understood by your therapist might make you finally believe that others really can "get" you.
I'm of the philosophy that our well being is influenced and affected by our relationships; to ourselves and to others, and to our society, culture and economy, and so on. It is also affected by our genetic make up and our particular personality.
My Approach is about enabling you to:
- Take stock of your current life situation
- Have conversations that help you to understand your thoughts and feelings
- Explore underlying themes and patterns, and links or connections with events in your life
- Explore and understand what matters to you - find clarity on what your purpose in life is
- Become more truthful with yourself, and accept the things we cannot change
In summary - to understand yourself better and with this awareness comes the freedom to make different choices - so helping & supporting you to put into practice the things you have discovered about yourself.
My model is Integrative; my original training was in Existential psychotherapy, I'm also influenced by Person Centered, Psychodynamic and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Information on the different types of therapy can by found on the BACP site 'A-Z of types of therapy' www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/what-is-therapy/types-of-therapy
"To
expand our awareness is to increase our capacity to live fully. The
greater our awareness, the greater our possibilities for freedom."
How can talking help my problems?
When we experience problems we can start to feel worse as the thoughts and feelings persist. Talking about what is happening in our lives; in our thoughts and feelings, with someone who is qualified and experienced means that you have someone who will work along side you to 'work out' and gain clarity on things.
Talking is also a way to unburden yourself and to demystify our often private thoughts and feelings about ourselves, and our lives. It can help to hear yourself describe the issues, and in talking about it we can gain confidence to look at and address the problems.
Sometimes we are able to turn to family and friends, and this can be a good source of support. Sometimes though you may worry about telling them your problems, and maybe they are part of your issues. In this case they may not be the best ones to help.
Talking is also a way to unburden yourself and to demystify our often private thoughts and feelings about ourselves, and our lives. It can help to hear yourself describe the issues, and in talking about it we can gain confidence to look at and address the problems.
Sometimes we are able to turn to family and friends, and this can be a good source of support. Sometimes though you may worry about telling them your problems, and maybe they are part of your issues. In this case they may not be the best ones to help.
"What
aliveness is latent in you? To dance, to sing, love, plant flowers,
paint, etc?"
Acceptance, Self-acceptance & Self-Compassion
Of course there will always be things that we cannot change. The death of someone we are close to can be a very painful and sad time, the feelings of grief and loss are very real. We cannot fix or change the loss, the sadness needs to be expressed and accepted, we need support and time to come to terms with this.
For many of us though we can become caught up in rejecting those aspects of ourselves that we consider to be negative, embarrassing, weak or just plain unlikeable. Self-acceptance requires us to understand the subtle balance between the path of being too self critical and the path of ignoring it altogether, both the aggressive and the passive extremes need to be avoided! The art of self-acceptance trains us to accept, and to accept ourselves as we are.
Part of self-acceptance is compassion. High levels of shame and self-criticism lead people to have enormous difficulty in being kind to themselves, feeling self-warmth or being self-compassionate. People can find self-compassion hard to do as they are afraid that if they give up on the self-criticism they will become lazy, more unpleasant, more unlovable, not change or that they just don't deserve compassion. Self-compassion is designed to stimulate feelings of safety, warmth and kindness towards ones self. Self-compassion can be thought of as a skill that one can learn.
For many of us though we can become caught up in rejecting those aspects of ourselves that we consider to be negative, embarrassing, weak or just plain unlikeable. Self-acceptance requires us to understand the subtle balance between the path of being too self critical and the path of ignoring it altogether, both the aggressive and the passive extremes need to be avoided! The art of self-acceptance trains us to accept, and to accept ourselves as we are.
Part of self-acceptance is compassion. High levels of shame and self-criticism lead people to have enormous difficulty in being kind to themselves, feeling self-warmth or being self-compassionate. People can find self-compassion hard to do as they are afraid that if they give up on the self-criticism they will become lazy, more unpleasant, more unlovable, not change or that they just don't deserve compassion. Self-compassion is designed to stimulate feelings of safety, warmth and kindness towards ones self. Self-compassion can be thought of as a skill that one can learn.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's time to talk - and that's what the people you see here did. They talk about their experiences, and provide tips and inspiration for your own conversations - including from some well-known faces. For more on the 'Time to Change' programme go to Links page.
The descriptions above may sound simple. Sometimes though we have blocks which stop us from moving on. One aim of therapy is to recognise what these blocks are.
Anxiety is a common block. When we think of trying something new, or doing something differently we may fear the outcome, we may view the future in negative terms. If we are unaware of this anxiety, the thoughts and feelings and their underlying meanings we just don't understand why we can't move on, we become stuck. Once we are aware, then comes the freedom to make different choices.
Anxiety is a common block. When we think of trying something new, or doing something differently we may fear the outcome, we may view the future in negative terms. If we are unaware of this anxiety, the thoughts and feelings and their underlying meanings we just don't understand why we can't move on, we become stuck. Once we are aware, then comes the freedom to make different choices.
'We can blunt anxiety by restricting our lives & thus reducing choices. Opening up to NEW life means opening up to anxieties'
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Illustrative Case Example (not based on a real person)
John was doing well at work, and was offered a promotion, this would normally be a cause for celebration, however John became irritable, critical of colleagues and negative around new projects. He wants to get on at work, with more pay and status, so he can't understand why he is behaving in this way. What's going on? and what can he do? It could be that John's behaviour is caused by thoughts and feelings that he is unaware of. Some call these 'unconscious' or 'hidden' thoughts and feelings. Maybe he's not aware of how much he fears the additional responsibility, or of how anxious he is that he won't be able to do a good job. Perhaps the potential promotion has activated these hidden fears, causing them to affect his behavior without him knowing why. |
Bringing these hidden thoughts and feelings into awareness can help him to understand them, rather than be controlled by them - he can have more control over his decisions, his interactions with others, and his life. John's unconscious thoughts and feelings were about old worries and anxieties from his childhood (for some it might have been a previous difficult or traumatic work experience). As an adult he no longer needed these - he'd been offered a promotion, he was being validated for his good work. This represents just one case, and one way of working on the issues. |
"Nothing is to be feared, it is only to be understood."
Marie Curie
Marie Curie
Rebecca J Woods, Counsellor & Psychotherapist based in Liverpool | web site: www.rjwoods-therapy.co.uk | e.mail: rebeccajwoods@gmail.com |
© Rebecca J Woods 2019, Liverpool, England.
© Rebecca J Woods 2019, Liverpool, England.
